Apr 16, 2014

One Step At A Time

Yesterday was a rough day in Miki land. I woke up feeling pretty sick and decided my body and  brain do so much for me that I owed them a break. Luckily I now have a really cool job, really cool boss, really cool co-workers and I was able to work from home. Since I figure most of yesterday was a panic attack, I just wanted to be home. I was able to work from my laptop for a few hours spastically throughout the day and then really give myself a break that I desperately needed. I wanted to give a shout out to all of you that commented, posted, and emailed me. Those kind words always go really far with me.

Of course, I’m not feeling 100% refreshed, but I do feel like yesterday boosted me enough to get by. Which at this point, is all I need. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not suicidal. I’m not in a severe depression. I’m just coping. I’m coping with a lot. I’m not sure how to handle it and I think that I’ve overworked myself trying to figure that out. When in reality all I can do is take it one step at a time. That’s not such a bad thing. I think dealing with 1 thing at a time is helping me cope much better than trying to see the overall big picture and getting extremely overwhelmed.

Today I woke up and thought, okay, time to get ready for work. That’s all I need to think about. When I finished that I was able to get myself to work and concentrate on one task at a time to get me through the day. Tonight when I get home, I’ll do that same and hopefully that will help me put things into perspective.

What is your go- to when you’re overwhelmed?

Apr 15, 2014

Today I broke.

I have a vague memory from when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I was at school and didn't feel very well. I asked my teacher if I could go to the office and call my mom. Before I got to the office, I remember feeling like I had done a good job keeping it together. I had been at school for a few hours, but I knew that I was at the end of the rope and felt like I was going to throw up. The only person who could help me was my mom. She needed to come and get me. I made my way to the office and I picked up the phone and as soon as I heard my moms voice, I started to cry uncontrollably. I broke as soon as I heard her voice and saw the light at the end of my tunnel. At that point, I knew she would come get me and I was going to be taken care of.

Today I feel the same. This past 2 weeks has been so mentally challenging. The stress of my grandpa being really sick, trying to get the Sandy house fixed up ready to sell, work, and just life broke me. My parents were out of town last week and I was trying to keep them in touch with what was going on with my grandpa. We received more bad news and I had to break it to them, while they were on a vacation. On Saturday, we spent 13 hours outside working our tails off trying to get the outside of the Sandy House done so we could move inside to start working on hopefully get the house on the market before our road trip on May 9th. Which we haven't even planned anything for other then buying a plane ticket to SF.

My parents are finally back in town and yesterday my mom and I had a long conversation about everything going on while I was driving home from work. I got home and started to feel sick. My head hurt, my brain is exhausted and my stomach was flipping around and around. I sat in the shower for hours and just let my emotions steam out of my body. As soon as I got out of the shower all my symptoms rushed back. I laid down physically and mentally ill. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I woke up every other hour clenching my stomach. If it's possible to OD on Pepto Bismal, I may have.

This morning, I woke up and started to get ready while Jared was in the shower. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, my arms hurt, my entire body aches from my brain to my toes. Jared got out of the shower and I was sitting on the bathroom floor. He put his arms around me and I bawled and I bawled. I couldn't explain what is wrong. I don't know if I'm sick and that's making me mentally exhausted or if I'm so mentally exhausted than I'm making myself sick.

Apr 14, 2014

Don't call DPS!

Vet appointments make me as nervous as they make my dogs. I always have a lingering fear that if the vets don’t approve, then they can call DPS (dog protective services) and have my sweet critters confiscated.

I usually like to have a perfect pet persona when we go into the vet. Which means that I have a routine of making me seem like I’m better than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely take care of my dogs really well, but when they are being analyzed I like to go the extra step and do a deep grooming all at once. My dogs have been groomed since they were puppies, so they are pretty easy to deal with. We bathe them, brush their teeth, clip their nails,  clean their ears and wipe out their tear stains. After all this I feel confident the vet will give us a good review.

On Saturday we had a vet appointment to get Indie his 1 year shots and for Shia’s annual check up. We had done their vet routine, but it didn’t really matter, because at 8am we went to the sandy house to stain the fence and put up rain gutters. At the Sandy House their is a big yard for the dogs to run free in. Around 11:40, we gathered up the dogs to head the vet and realized they were a mess, they’d been eating grass and dirt, digging holes, laying in the mud, wrestling and being the dogs that they are. Jared and I weren’t in top notch shape either. Our clothes were filthy and we had stain all over our arms and probably on our faces too.

Shia and Indie walk into the vet and receive their normals loves from all the vet techs, get weighed (Shia is 64 pounds and Indie is 43 pounds) and we head into our exam room. Our normal vet was gone, so another one came in and started to ask all the questions that make me nervous. Our vet is in a snooty area, but it’s the best vet I’ve ever been too. He grabs her front paw and immediately starts taking his thumb digging through her fur. He looks at me and asks “where is all this blood coming from?” I feel like he’s about ready to call DPS, so I get down and start frantically looking at her, when I realize it’s stain. We’d been staining the fence a dark red color and Shia had spots of stain all down her arms. Shia is so bright white, that you could spot one spec of dust on her, so I wasn’t surprised that the stain raised a flag. I was relieved that Shia wasn’t bleeding and over all is in great health.

Luckily both dogs were in pretty great health and neither of them were bleeding all over the place, so we didn’t have DPS called on us. The vet suggested that Shia loses 3-4 pounds, which to me was such a small number that I wonder why he even noticed. Both pups received shots and had thermometers shoved up their bums and yet they were still totally happy.

I did learn something new though. Shia and Indie both tend to have gunky ears. I clean them all the time and they still just build up. I normally take a Q tip and swab out their ears with some solution I bought at petco. He showed me that you can tilt the dogs head fill their ears with solution then take a pad, like a make up remover pad, and you can push your whole finger in their ear as deep as you can. Dog ear drums are so far back that you can’t poke them. He showed me on Shia and she was in heaven, drooling and rolling her eyes back. He pulled so much gunk out that I was surprised and impressed.

After we left I felt like we should have gotten a bumper sticker that says “My dogs are healthy!” because caring for a dog can be a lot of work and I kind of want the world to know that I’m a good dog parent.
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