Apr 24, 2014

Finish This!

First of all, I want to thank all of you for the sweet comments on yesterdays post. I appreciate that A LOT. I am sending you all much love!

“Finish This”

My favorite makeup item is blush/lipgloss/lipstick. I figure if I put “/“ then they all count as one item. I’m not a big makeup connoisseur, but I do like makeup. I enjoy putting on makeup, because it makes me feel like I’m ready to face the day. Recently I’ve started wearing blush and I really like it! I feel like adds a little color to my pale face. Lipgloss or Lipstick is always a must. Nothing is sexier than a little lip candy!

My favorite TV show is Game of Thrones and that’s obvious, because it’s just incredible. However, I my recently discovered TV show that I really enjoy is Bored to Death, it was cancelled back in 2012, so it’s no longer on, but I found it with DirecTV on demand. There are only 3 seasons, but I loved watching all 3 seasons, they are all pure gold. It’s written really well and the actors are all awesome! Zach Galifinakis stars in it, so just watch it!

The most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done was decide to quit my last job! I didn’t have another job lined up yet. I pulled my boss into his office and put in my 2 weeks. I don’t recommend quitting on a whim like that, but it was the right thing for me! I realized how unsatisfying that job was and how much happier I am now. Sometimes you have to do something scary to benefit your life drastically!

I prefer Dogs over Cats because Shia and Indie are dogs! :)

I met my husband at a random party that my best friend dragged me to and his best friend dragged him to. It’s so strange to me that I begged Ellen not to make me go with her to this party and at that party I met the man that I now share a bed with every night and the person I tell my deepest worries and fears to. If you’d like the full story on how we met click HERE.

Miki & Jared - Save the Date from Brandon Orton on Vimeo.

Finish This is a link up hosted by Jen {The Arizona Russums}, Nicole {Three 31} Lisa {Coastlined}, and Becky {The Java Mama}

Apr 23, 2014

My Grandpa is Sick

The past few weeks I’ve mentioned that my family is going through a really rough time and that my grandpa is sick other than that I’ve purposely been vague about the situation. I felt that my family members were all going to need a few weeks to learn to cope and I wanted to respect that. I cope by writing. Writing helps me understand the pain I’m feeling. It helps me cope. Now it’s time for me to write.

A little over 2 weeks ago, my dad sent a text saying my grandpa was in the hospital and he wasn’t doing well. My grandpa is 86 years old and is no stranger to a hospital bed, so I expected this time to be the same culprit, old age. The next day, I received a second text saying my grandpa had cancer and my dad would let me know more as soon as he did. At this point, I didn’t know the type of cancer or the severity. All I knew was that I immediately sent an emotional text to Jared explaining the horrible thing I had just found out. I felt a horrible heavy pit in my stomach and thought I might hurl. I had a few hours left at work, but I could barely concentrate. I sent my dad a few more texts to see if he knew anything else. He didn’t, he was trying to get information from my grandma, but she must have been way more disoriented than any of us, hearing her husband of over 60 years has cancer. After work, I still hadn’t heard anything Jared and I had already had plans, so we followed through and went bowling with my brother and a few friends. I remember feeling like I was trying to smile and engage in conversation, but I checked my phone every other minute waiting for more news. Nothing.

A few hours later I was getting ready for bed and I heard my phone buzz. I ran across the room tripping over my own feet to find my phone. There was a text explaining it was throat cancer. I still didn’t know how severe, but at least I knew something. I stayed up most of the night googling symptoms, reading cases, and trying to get a grasp on what my grandpa would be dealing with in terms of treatment. I started to feel relief when I read that throat cancer is very curable when it’s caught early. I naively assumed it was caught early, because as I said early my grandpa is no stranger to hospitals. I figured since he’s in the hospital often enough, the must have caught this aggressive cancer in the very beginning stage.

I woke up Friday morning and still felt a the same lingering heavy lump in my stomach. I kept my phone next to me at all times. My family decided we were going to go to the hospital and see my grandpa after work at about 5. I kept my phone near me all day long. I even took it in the bathroom with me so I wouldn’t miss any updates. The day seemed oddly silent. I hear nothing. No texts, no calls, no information at all. The hospital that is close to his home is about an hour away from my work. I made arrangements to leave work early and found myself watching the clock all day long, I swear I saw each minute pass the whole time I was in the office. I left work close to 3:30 and almost as soon as I got in my car I received a text from my mom. She said that she and my dad were at the hospital already and that my grandpa was exhausted and that we couldn’t come visit, but she wanted us to head to her house. I cried the whole commute home. I can’t explain it, but I was angry at my parents. I was mad that they went to the hospital without me. I thought that if I could see my grandpa, I’d feel better. I could see he was sick, but he was going to be okay. I felt that would give me reassurance. I drove home through a blur of tears and felt sick and angry.

I cried at home and I didn’t pull it together. I cried a lot. My sent another text asking if Jared and I would come over to her house. The text made me cry more, because even though it was a text, I knew the tone wasn’t positive. This is all more serious than I could have imagined. Jared and I drove quickly over to my parents house, we didn’t exchange a word, we just drove and I ran through the situation over and over in my head. When we arrived, things were oddly calm. My dad wasn’t home yet and I started to poke my mom for more information, but she wanted the news to come from my dad, since it’s his dad. My brother and I are both in our mid twenties, but in that moment I didn’t feel older than 5. I didn’t want to ask questions, but at the same time I wanted to know everything. We waited for my dad to get home. We waited silently.

When my dad came home we ate dinner quietly. It was obvious that he didn’t feel like talking about it. He was putting on a brave face for us, even though at this point he was carrying the full burden for our family, since no one else knew the extent. Eventually my mom nudged my dad and let him tell us what’s going on. He started by explaining that the cancer is a cancerous tumor in his throat, but the cancer has spread from his throat to his liver. I didn’t want to hear the answer, but I asked what stage it was, and his reply, stage 4.

The treatments options for stage 4 are really aggressive. He would need chemotherapy and then they would do an invasive surgery to get the tumor out. After that they would need to rebuild his throat from his stomach tissue. He’s 86 years old and this surgery is far too intense for him, chances are he wouldn’t make it out of the operating room. At this point we were told he has 8 months left to live and even if the surgery was an option it wouldn’t extend his life for more than a few years.

I started to see tons of news updates from my dad’s side of the family on Facebook and Instagram. Everyone was doing what I was, they were trying to cope. My cousins that live close by were uploading floods of photos of their kids with my grandpa and posting sincere updates wishing prayers and love to other members of our family. It seems like none of us know how to handle the situation and we’re all hurting immensely.

The following week, my parents had a vacation to go on that they planned  months ago. Since I still hadn’t seen my grandpa, I  decided to bring over dinner and visit. We didn’t think things could get much worse, but as Jared, my brother and I were over at my grandparent’s we heard the last piece of devastating news. My grandpa was hoping to take a pill that would help extend his life to the maximum of 8 months, but he didn’t qualify due to something in his genes. After he heard the news, in his most calm and accepting voice he put his arm around me and said “You better save me date 3-4 months away.” I teared up and curled up into my grandpa’s chest, because how could I respond to that?

Apr 22, 2014

Infertility Awareness Week: Claire's Story

You know how you don't really care until something affects you or someone you love? That's how I used to feel about infertility, I would hear about couples struggling to conceive and I felt bad, but it didn't seem real, because I didn't know anyone who experienced it first hand. About a year ago, I learned that one of the people I love most in this world was struggling to conceive and that's when I started to listen, care and realize how common this struggle is. I am not going to share her story, because it's not mine to share. However, Lauren from Our Crazy Every After has openly talked about her battle with infertility and decided to bring awareness by linking bloggers up to share their stories Today I would like to introduce you to Claire and let you read her story about infertility.

Praying to Be a Mother of Two

Hi. My name is Claire and I write over at  www.teachlovewrite.blogspot.com.   I am guest posting today for the National Infertility Awareness Week blog linkup hosted by Lauren of Our Crazy Ever After.  I honestly think what she’s doing is great, I mean, allowing women like me to share their personal experiences on infertility and get to know others who are in the same situation.

This is my story.

I’m thirty-nine years old, turning 40 this coming August.  I have been married twice, once when I was 23 and second when I was 38.  My first marriage ended in 2001 and the marriage annulment was granted by the church and the state some four years ago.  That marriage was blessed with a child,  my  “baby” boy who is now fourteen.  So, maybe  you’re wondering  what I’m doing writing this guest post about infertility.  

Although I  already have a son, I am still “one” out of eight because I have a difficult time conceiving.  My periods have always been irregular since I was a teenager.  When I got married the first time,  I wasn’t like some women who get pregnant right after their wedding.  It was a whole year and a half before I got pregnant. Besides, I was a lot younger then and infertility worsens with age, since  a woman’s eggs are as old as she is.  I also found out that I had polycystic ovaries around seven years ago.    

I’m in a lot of pressure and stress mostly because I feel that I am running out of time. I’m almost 40 and I need to get pregnant fast. The older I get, the riskier it would be. I desperately want a baby girl.  That’s what I’m asking God for – a baby girl.  And they say that when you pray you have to claim it.  So, that’s what I am claiming…a baby girl, a strong, healthy baby girl who looks like me!  Don’t you just want to have a little one who looks exactly like you? I can’t imagine anything sweeter than that!  I love my son very much and he’s my everything but a baby girl is different. I think it’s the only thing that’s missing in my life.  Besides, I want my son to have a sister…someone who will love him and be with him when he needs someone to be with. And of course, I want to be able to give my husband a baby. He loves babies and I feel like I owe it to him to conceive a child. His mother also loves babies and every time we visit  and she would ask if I’m not pregnant yet, and I’d say no, I feel kind of worried that at the back of her mind, it’s my fault that we still don’t have a baby ….although come to think of it, it is.  Kind of.   

Actually, I think it is in my genes. When my younger sister got married, she didn’t get pregnant at once. In fact, she and her husband had to wait for eight long years before she conceived. And during those long years, we kept remembering that some of our first cousins on my mother’s side also had  trouble conceiving. I decided to check our family tree on my mother’s side and I found out that we had three or four grandaunts who were married but never had children.  

So anyway, I’ve already had two rounds of workups with my OB.  I’m actually on my third round at the moment. I’m having a transvaginal ultrasound on the 23rd to check the size of my follicles.  Everything’s so expensive, the ultrasounds, the check ups, the medicines, the injections, but what can I do? It will all be worth it in the long run when the baby is here. Meanwhile, I would have to stand the pressure of everything – specially the rigid schedule that you have to follow so there would be a “successful meeting”. …you know what I mean. Come to think of it, I think that’s all the pressure lies. It’s the thought that you have to do it tonight, like it’s now or never. And then after those four scheduled days comes the anticipation coupled with a lot of stress and anxiety.  “Were we able to do it?”, “ Is there a tiny form of human life in my womb now?”, “Will my pregnancy result come out positive next time?” And every time you do the test and it turns out the opposite of what you are hoping for, you get sad and depressed, and you ask questions like “Why do some women get pregnant so easily and I don’t?” 

If only it was as easy as I thought when I was a little girl. You know, I used to hear on television that a baby or a child is the fruit of a married couple’s love for each other. And I took it as that. I thought that a man and a woman just had to get married and to love each other very much and then the woman gets pregnant, like magic.  

Anyway, back to my journey, my doctor said that if we wouldn’t be successful this time, we’d have to do an artificial insemination. I’m not up to it though. If we are not successful this time, God forbid, I plan to go to an acupuncturist.  

I just realized how much I’ve already typed and I  don’t want to bore you much longer. But before I end, maybe you’re all wondering how my sister’s “infertility story” ended after eight years of waiting.

She stopped all the workups more than a year before she conceived. In December of 2011, she went to an acupuncturist who is also an OB doctor. She just had one session with him. In the middle of March 2012, the relic of St. Clare (we believe that she intercedes on behalf of childless couples)  arrived in our city. My sister and her husband visited the relic. Towards the middle of April 2012, her tests (she had more than ten of them just to be sure) all turned out positive. Her adorable baby boy was born in December 2012.  

Some people would probably think it was the acupuncture that did it for her. But I’d like to believe that it was St. Clare’s intercession. After all, my mom also asked for her intercession so that she could conceive. And that’s how I got my name…just with a different spelling.

At the moment, I have mixed feelings about everything but I know deep in my heart that God would grant me my wish. I just really have to pray. Nobody is in control here….only God, the Creator, the Giver of life.  

What about you?  
I’m so excited to know about your story.  May we all have good news to share soon.

And to you, Miki, thank you very much for all your help with this post and for giving me this space to share my very looooooong story.  I do ramble on. ☺

Thanks Claire, for sharing your story and you're welcome on my blog anytime! If you'd like to read more stories and help bring awareness, please check out Lauren's blog HERE.

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